im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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