i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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