It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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