no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
