somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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