thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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