I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
