new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
pray to the hookup gods
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