All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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