The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she smelled like a LAN party
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
