I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize