Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
