you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
