"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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