How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.