I smell stomach acid.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.