i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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