STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
