Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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