I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
