I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
