piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
