...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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