a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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