that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
