upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
