Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
