i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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