I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize