wrigley field is MILF paradise
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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