Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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