Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
