I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
