Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
