I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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