I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
