I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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