I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
