Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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