i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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