i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
