I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
