This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
