So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
