Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
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Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
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It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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