I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
