Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I wear drunk well.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
