Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
