No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
