Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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