I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
