she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
