I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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