I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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