Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
