Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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