Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
