Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
