Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize