How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
