The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
